Let’s talk about orgasms, specifically for those with vaginas. Orgasms are interesting-some people seem to have them with every sexual encounter while some require some extra work to have them. Some people seem to only have them solo while some others are saying, “What orgasm??”. While you have women* at all points on this spectrum, all of them are completely normal. In fact, somewhere around 80% of women do not orgasm from penetration alone. This means that typically, some other form of stimulation is at play for most women to have an orgasm. Another 5-10% of women have never reached orgasm. Most people have been told that it’s normal at some point in their sexual journey. So why do so many women feel abnormal if they aren’t just cumming and going (pun definitely intended)? Well, one reason for this feeling that the capability to orgasm somehow gets linked to a woman’s ability to master the art of sex. Orgasms seem to be the key indicator of sexual satisfaction, and if the woman can’t be satisfied during sex, she must not be completely connected to her vixen side. I want to break this down. First off, reaching orgasm is not indicative of sexual satisfaction. Every sexual encounter may
not involve orgasm, but they can still be great! The other issue with this concept is that the ability to orgasm should not be associated with a woman’s ability to handle things in the bedroom. That’s like determining how well a kid will do in school by their ability to jump high. One is not indicative of the other.
The other reason for this abnormal feeling surrounding not orgasming during penetrative sex is that it’s a bit of a boost to the partner’s ego by orgasming during sex, and women want to provide this boost. By not having an orgasm during penetrative sex, the woman worries that the partner (usually male in these circumstances) may walk away from the encounter feeling lacking. This could lead to faking orgasms (yikes!). It’s important for both to understand that orgasms may not be part of every sexual encounter, if any. That is okay! As I said before, sex can still be great with or without orgasm. Now, there are those who don’t know which category you fall into. Can you orgasm with a partner? Can you only orgasm through oral sex or manually? Can you orgasm at all? My question to you is: Have you tried various sexual positions that enhance clitoral stimulation? Not all positions are created equal in terms of creating optimum potential for orgasm. Have you tried being in control of sex to do what may work for you? Have you tried communicating with your partner about what feels more conducive for your body? Have you tried incorporating toys or other helpers during sex? If you haven’t tried these things, give them a go. Another question I want to ask is this: Is your sexual satisfaction based on having an orgasm? It’s quite possible that your focus on having an orgasm is clouding your enjoyment of your sexual experiences, limiting what your body can do. In other words: Get out of your head and enjoy sex! Obviously, I could go on and on about orgasms. So, I’m going to label this blog Part I. Keep watch for Part II where I dig deeper into using sex toys to assist with orgasms!
*When I speak of women, I’m specifically speaking of vagina-owners in this blog.